Sitting on the bedbunk’s edge in this narrow room, I was always being flooded with thoughts. Hours that supposed to be spent gaining the missed naps after being drained in the classroom were all now spent with ravaging thoughts. Clock tick tocks and time flies so fast. In the next hours or minutes, I would be preparing myself to go to work. While everybody in this small compound where I pay a room is sound asleep, I would be slowly sneaking outside with socks and slippers on my feet, with my hoodies and my backpack on. Slowly igniting my motorcycle’s engine, there I go.
I would pass by an unlit road upon a vast ricefields on both sides of it. I would wear my headset on, and keep it loud banging on my ears just to reduce the intimidating atmosphere. (I’m not afraid of ghost, though.) Overseeing the stars overhead and the slightly covered by clouds moon, I would do a 60kph ride just so I could finally pass through that narrow, spine-chilling road. What if someone who’s psychopatic, or murderer, or rapist, or kidnappers would be hiding in one of those trees beside that road come frighten you as you pass by them. I cannot fathom the situation. It’s real horrendous. And these past 2 years and a few months, I have endured all of it.
With God’s grace, I’m now 3rd year in college. In this remote area in the province, they call town, imagine having a college campus built 2 kilometers away from the main road. It may be a sight for those who pass by its roads on the day, but not for me.
I go to work 9:oopm to 5:oo am, then goes to school as early as 8:ooam to 5:oo pm. So, where should I drive through when there are no other roads available? For me, it’s no time to be weak. It’s no time for fear and doubts. It’s no time for giving up. Once you’ve got big dreams, somehow you’ll just find yourself doing what others thought you couldn’t do. Fear and lack of sleep is not a thing for me to worry upon. Dreadful roads to pass and sleepless nights to go by is nothing for me. Though, there’ll be times that I feel like I’m so much exhausted of my routine activity everyday and every night, I just hope that time will really fly fast so these situation will be over.
People may think, am I crazy? Why would I do such a thing? Am I trying to kill myself?
Motivation and perseverance is what keeps me alive today. I just thought that having almost no sleep everyday is incomparable to all those suffering from extreme poverty who’s now just skin and bones, to all those people in countries being terrorized. Besides, I’ve got responsibilities to attend to. These dreams aren’t just for myself but also for my siblings.
Besides, I wasn’t the only one in this world who sees sunshine at night and bids goodnight in the morning.
I have accepted my fate and I’m going to face it no matter what. If this fate means climbing a mountain, then I hope that beyond this mountain lies vast plains full of joy and self fulfillment. I’ve been looking forward to that and I hope I can make it through no matter what.
Ms. Autonomous (Inside Out) 
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